Perceptual Distortion is when there is a dissociation with reality of what is happening. It can be linked to the distorted perception of what happens and are felt during a traumatic event. The changing of time and views getting morphed to perhaps soak in what was happening. The event could also be interpreted as if they were a bystander and it was not a direct effect to themselves.

I remember thinking after it happened and I got taken out of the car, ‘what the fuck just happened’, still shaking and uneasy not knowing that it just actually happened to me. You never think it will be you. I felt numb to be alive.

It felt like when the grill of the articulated lorry was pushing my car sideways down the motorway (M4) and I was attached to it with nowhere to go, that the scene was dragged on for ages. I was pushed for no more than 500 metres at 70mph but it felt like eternity. The 500 metres felt like I had so much time but yet all I accomplished was to scream, stare at the lorry, and squeeze onto the steering wheel. Nothing else seemed to happen. I didn’t want to look away from the lorry to the passenger side of the car otherwise I’d really see the immense force I was getting pushed down the M4 with.

Time slowed down but my body was rigid and was assured to not move too much. I think back now and am thankful that happened, opposed to me moving around and perhaps the balance would of become uneasy and I’d be jam across the road. To this day, years on I can visualise this scene, framed by the windows of my car to the grill fiercely pushing the car with me inside. This utter sense of watching something like it was to be watched, opposed to it actually being reality and happening to me. It was a numb derealisation.

This dissociation and distortion of what was happening seemed to mainly be when it was taking place. Perhaps the night terrors and flashbacks were my brain trying to re see what was happening, to make sense of it all. At the time and years on nothing had been addressed professionally. Instead the gift of yoga has shown me the path of true recovery and healing.

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To conclude, I feel I definitely experienced perceptual distortion at the time of the accident, and this memory stays with me.